I can remember saying almost 6 months ago, "I cant wait to be done with college, start working, have money and not have to worry about school work anymore." The old saying, you always want what you cant have has proven to bite me in the rear these last few months. All I wanted in college was to be done, and to be an "adult." Believe it or not, I couldnt wait to have finances and bills. ANYTHING but school work always looked more promising in my eyes. Now that I am working 40 hours a week, that lax college schedule of attending maybe 2 classes a day, sleeping in, and having no responsibilities is looking a little more appealing now. So...we always want what we don't have, even if we once had it. To learn how to be content in this world FULL of stuff is a true challenge.
How about time? When God created time and decided to only put 24 hours in 1 day, I question his thinking process of this. It seems like I never have enough time in 1 day. I go back to the "ohh if I just had 2 more hours, everything would be a lot smoother." Lets be honest, if we had more time would we actually utilize that time with the things that are most important our "to-do" list? Or would we sleep in later, go shopping, surf pinterest, and then say "If there were only two MORE hours in the day, everything would be better!" Correct me if I am wrong but one thing I did not learn in college was how to prioritize. Well, maybe I did but I chose my priorities in relation of importance to myself. (Whoops!) Once work takes up 80% of your time, my question is to the other full time working adults that have been doing this way longer than me, where do you find time for yourself? Or friendships? Your dog? Working out? I wont even bring up laundry. I find myself waking up every morning earlier and earlier, yet I am still running late. It would be nice to be on a consistent routine, with a 8-5 mon-fri salary job. I dream about that schedule. But then when I picture myself living that way, I think...where is all the fun? Sometimes living moment to moment is just what I need. Why have I clouded my vision with planning, instead of just waking up and waiting to see what God has in store for me that day? I so often put myself in front of what God has planned that day for me. I get so consumed in making sure I work out, do my hair, go tanning and a ton of other non important things that I am missing the big picture. HIM!! The purpose of living out his word, and living as a servant for the king believe it or not DOES include giving up your personal time, wants, and needs. Now, no one told me that in COLLEGE! It has taken me 4 months to finally realize I am not the most important thing in my life. My needs do not come before the Kings. It seems as if I found the antidote to keeping above water. Because really, don't some days feel like your barely making it above drowning? That's at-least how I have felt quite frequently since I embarked on the journey of adulthood. Wake up every morning, giving each day to him, and opening your hearts to the endless possibilities that he will enlighten you with. That my friends, is surviving.
I find it to be so much easier to give up my life to Jesus everyday, than to try and control the situation myself. When everything is in his control, we really don't have anything to worry about. But why do we allow ourselves to conform into that dark cloud of worry, fear, anxiety and stress? Someone wise once told me that once we turn the slightest bit away from God, satan has the sneakiest ability to maneuver his way right back into our lives and direct us towards all those dark places we hate to be in. Intentionally giving each day to God and being in consistent communication with him throughout my day is literally how I survive. But I'm going to be honest, its not easy. The bottom line is once we try to control our own lives, finances, relationships, you fill in the blank, the second we control is the first step we take towards turning our backs to Jesus.
Trusting him through the valley of hardships IS what real "adult life" is actually about. Its not about finally being able to afford all those things you couldn't in college, or landing that big job, or finally getting that boyfriend you've always dreamed of. Its not even about just barely making it. God wants us to walk through the valley (which is life on earth) so we can reach mountain tops and see the big picture he has handcrafted just for you. No one gets to the top of a mountain without having a rough and painful struggle on the way up. I am on the trek up the mountain, and the only provision that keeps me going is him, and his amazing love. Everything else is baggage that I am adding to my journey, get rid of the baggage that's weighing you down, and making life so incredibly hard! Seek him for provision, and nothing else.
Those are my thoughts for today. I hope everyone has a awesome day filled with opportunities to serve the King!
