Jesus talks to a Woman at the Well
When a Samaritan woman came to draw water, Jesus said said to her "Will you give me a drink?" The Samaritan woman said to him, "You are a Jew and I am a Samaritan woman. How can you ask me for a drink? (For Jews did not associate with Samaritans)" Jesus answered her, "If you knew the gift of God and who it is that asks you for a drink, you would have asked him and he would have given you living water." "Sir," the woman said, "you have nothing to draw with and the well is deep. Where can you get this living water? Are you greater than our father Jacob, who gave us the well and drank from it himself, as did also his sons and his livestock?"
Jesus answered, "Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life."
The woman said to him, "Sir, give me this water so that I wont get thirsty and have to keep coming here to draw water."
He told her, "Go, call your husband and come back."
"I have no husband," she replied.
Jesus said to her, "You are right when you say you have no husband. The fact is, you have had five husbands, and the man you now have is not your husband. What you have just said is quite true."
This story can fit into almost anyone's life, whether you are a man or a woman. I find this story so beautiful. Most would find it embarrassing for the woman, that Jesus himself is calling her out on being a promiscuous woman. This story resembles mine, in a way:
I have always been the type of girl to have boyfriends, or men in my life consistently. I have always found interest in seeking out men, rather than woman. I have always thought this to be normal, up until this morning when I felt God reveal something so precious to me, just like Jesus did to the woman at the well.
Once I gave my life over to Christ in 2011, I began the journey of following Jesus. As many of you know my story; some of you may not. Long story short, I hit a point in my life where I felt worthless, and I felt that my life had no depth to it. After going through a rough patch in my life, I realized I had nothing else to gain, accept for Christ. From that day on I have been eager to learn more and more about the word of God, and the life he has planned for me.
For a few months, I have felt this feeling of missing the old life I used to live. I found myself wanting to indulge in the idolistic things I used to call "fun." Going out and drinking way too much, dressing provocatively, flirting with guys, etc. I hadn't had this urge in almost a year (since I committed my life to Christ), and so I began to panic that my old habits were going to eek back into my life. I was aware of these desires, and I didnt know why they were put into my heart again. I prayed about it, and opened up to a small number of people about this new temptation that was lerking through my mind and heart.
It was until this morning that God revealed something precious, beautiful, and so very true into my heart. All of these years of dating men, and going to bars and parties to flirt, and boyfriends, God pointed out what I was missing, what I had been searching for in the 21 years of my life, and that vacant thing was HIM. Now most of you are thinking, DUH. But see, it wasn't apparent to me that this concept of going to God to find fulfillment, and beauty was the little secret the world was keeping from me.
After being in a relationship for 2 years, it came to an end about a year ago. I have found myself going down the road of questioning myself, and why I wasn't worth fighting for in that relationship. The one dominant answer I concluded in my mind (and many other women's minds that are and were in the same boat as I was) was that I wasn't worth his time, and I wasn't found beautiful to him. Now, how coincidental this comes up. I heard a man by the name of Craig Inglesby speak this week about gender roles, and how as followers of Christ men and women need to entertain one another in the world we live in. One of the things he mentioned and wanted to make so clear to the women was: Don't let men take the place of making you feel beautiful, that's God place, and his place only. Hearing this, yes it makes sense, and it was definitely something I have been a victim too. It stayed and lingered in my mind.
Coming to my point...
This morning I was at coffee with my AMAZING friend Molly Kidd. We struck up a conversation about relationships, and how women are always just so eager to get married. But why? Why do we have the need of a man to complete our lives? She gave me such wise advice; once your in a marriage, everything is not sparkles and glitter as most people perceive it to be. In fact, once you get married you realize theres not much difference between dating and marriage, except that you are just living under the same roof. So in a way, many women get married in the hopes of finding their true identity in their husband, and having their fairytale "happily ever after" but find themselves lonely, and unhappy.
It was then, God revealed my weakness to me. It was so clear. I realized I have been going to men to find my fullfillment in life. I go to men to feel beautiful. I go to men to have that "high" of feeling lusted for, and worth something. I have put all of my efforts and hopes towards my future with a man, and how he will make me so incredibly happy. But God revealed to me, that no man on earth will ever be able to make me feel that way. I am just going to find myself on this continuous heartbreak, disappointing Ferris Wheel, and never find a way off.
Immediately I could see the lost puzzle pieces of questions and confusion from the past 5 years of my life just come together. I have gone to men to find my identity. I have used the infatuation men have towards and upon me to fill up my bucket at the well. And the one puzzle piece that I am so thankful for God showing me is that, none of those men were EVER going to full-fill my bucket eternally. Sooner or later, those men were going to fall out of lust with me, and move on to another woman. Which, is exactly what happened. Now think of a heroin addict, when you take away their drugs (their addiction) and they have nothing to get high off of anymore, what happens? They panic. They go into detox, and they endure a lot of pain. But eventually they come out of the blurred vision of drugs consuming their life, and come up for fresh air. They see a different purpose to life, they see that they don't need those drugs to feel full-filled anymore. When my relationship ended a year ago, and I was so used to being full-filled by one man for so long, and now I wasn't getting my fulfillment at all anymore, it was awful. It was like I was going through detox. It hurt, it was painful, and I didn't like any second of it. In fact, how I felt I wouldn't even wish upon my worst enemy. BUT (here comes the climax) that was the beginning of God showing me the beauty HE sees in ME, and how he has the everlasting water to fill up my bucket.
Who and what are you finding your beauty in?