Friday, December 2, 2011

growing up

One of the biggest lessons I have learned in the past few months is learning to turn to God with everything in my life. I am hitting that spot in my life where I am having to let go of my parents, and begin trusting in the Lord. Some people would see that as simple, and easy. All of my life I have always fallen back onto my parents for just about everything. Rough days, bad grades, loosing jobs, money, school etc. But recently when I had a turning point in my life, and I was needing to make a big decision I out of habit ran to my parents for counsel. Most kids and young adults ask parents for guidance. My big question was whether I was going to move back to Portland, live at home and finish school up there, or stay in Corvallis and live by myself. Still being financially bound upon my parents, I had to consult with them first. My parents automatically replied with the decision to move home, and finish school in Portland. I trusted my parents decision and began preparing my mind to move back home. But something in my heart was telling me no. I didn't know if it was fear, doubt, or just not wanting to live at home. But something just didn't feel right. So I prayed, like I do about any other big thing in my life. I prayed day after day. And I honestly felt like God was not giving me his answer. It was until I had a conversation with my sister one night after our young life girls group that I told her I have been not feeling at peace with moving home. I told her I didn't know why, but It just didn't feel right. My sister being the genius she is told me that was God telling me I needed to stay in Corvallis. DUH! Wow. My sister made such a valid point that sometimes we pour into scripture, pray day after day but we feel like God hasn't yet pointed us in the direction he wants us to be in. It is the simplest feeling of just feeling at peace with something, that answers our prayers from God. It became clear to me that God was pulling me to stay in Corvallis, and he was calling me to become a young life college leader to mentor young woman. Wow, talk about a wake up call.

Now that I had prayed about this moving situation for about 2 weeks I was dreading the conversation I was going to have with my parents. I knew that my parents were not going to be happy about paying for me to live in a one bedroom apartment by myself. I remember driving home to Portland talking to God and asking him to be with me during the conversation I was about to have with my parents. The conversation was emotional for both sides. I explained to my parents that they have been so amazing in supporting and raising me for the past 22 years of my life. I told them I have felt God pulling me to rely on him for guidance and direction. There comes a time in every dads life where he realizes he has to give his baby girl away. And he gave me away to Jesus Christ that night. I explained to my parents that I am in a point of my life where I am living for Jesus, and his plan for me may not be the same as my theirs. It was bitter sweet for mom and dad. They hate to let me go, but they were moved towards my development in my walk and journey that I have made with God.

Turning to God in prayer seems hard to do when we are faced with making a quick decision. But God promises to always answer our prayers. The answer may not always be what we had hoped for, but God always has something bigger and better in store for us. Sometimes its loosing a loved one, or letting go of something we felt we needed in our lives. Whatever it be, God always has a bigger and better plan. Learn to Trust in him, and you will see for yourself.

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